I Killed Them..

I screamed and I wept until the next morning. With the first ray of sunshine right on my face, my eyes swollen, I felt a bolt, a jerk in my body, a chill went down my spine, what next? A sudden realization had occurred. I had been sitting outside, in the patio all night, no food, no cover. I was blank for a moment, a long one. Now that it was all over, done with, finished, complete, what do I do next, where do I go? Everything’s okay, all will be fine, I kept repeating to myself, trying to be something I had never been these entire twelve years of my life, sanguine! God must really have something in mind. After all every human being has a purpose, a goal for coming here, I must do too. But, what? All this while I was rubbing someone else’s filth all over myself, trying to make them ‘clean’, not realizing what I was losing in the trade, ‘myself’, my life! It had been a long and very tiring voyage, I was fed up, of everything, of this world, myself. They beat me every single day of my life. It seemed after a while that they gained some sort of a sadistic pleasure out of it, I guess. ‘cuz even when I was right and I had done the dishes properly, I would get a slap or a punch circling one of my eyes for an entire week. They said, ‘you are a blot, an aberration for everyone, my parents, that’s why they left me with them. They didn’t even let me call them uncle and aunt but Colonel Sir and Madam Josephine. I was only four, sparkly light blue eyes, red cheeks and dark curly hair, Preston told me, the butler. He’s old now, very old, he has a saggy face and his hands seem to always tremble. Preston, the only person I could call family, warm-hearted, caring, I shared everything with him, up until yesterday morning. Madam Josephine had fired him the previous morning on the pretext of secretly giving me food when I was on my ‘grounded’ period, which happened quite a lot. It’s crazy how people can vary so much in their behavior with the same person. Preston never hit me or shouted at me for anything. Just yesterday I was washing Colonel Sir’s uniform and a very tough stain, just not ready to be washed away, I was rubbing and rubbing hard, it just wasn’t working. Madame entered and launched a slap so hard I fell down, accidentally pushing down the vase she had got from a Vintage Store in New York. They threw me out, must have been a really expensive thing. They hated me. I felt sorry but not anymore, I was going to do something and soon. I had taken the trauma for eight whole years and it was over. I took his shot gun out of the room where he kept all his trophies and rifles and went to their room where both of them lay sound asleep, unaware of the darkness that was to forever crowd there lives, or whatever bit of it they were left with now. Sleeping peacefully, the two savage beasts. It was going to be the end, to my slavery and their fun, now! I aimed at Josephine first and killed her in one shot, the rest I embedded in the Colonel’s body. It was over! Finally! And now I’m in the patio, all alone, no family, no-one and, a killer!

-ME!

+SOS+

I might have sinned, 

But is that all.. 

That you see? 

And not me? 

The time when I looked at your face,

 You left me, You weren't there.

 I looked up.. Above at d stars.. 

The moon, the sun, they shine so far. 

Yet they reach and touch my soul.. 

How is that God? Or is that you?

 Yes I know that you’re not far.. 

That I might not see you.. But you’re here.. 

And that when I needed, You smiled at me, 

You knew I’d make it, Even if I didn’t see. 

But I still feel I need that shine, 

Somewhere close.. Near the divine.. 

Sometimes therefore I close my eyes.. 

To see your face.. I see a hazy light. 

But I keep going back.. ‘Cuz I know it’s you.. 

And I can feel the touch so close.. Yet so far.. 

Why is that so? 

All I know.. Is that I need.. 

You near me close.. Just paying heed.. 

To all that I care and I cant show.. 

God, enlighten me, Save my soul!

-ME!

The Aftermath.

Rocking is in my blood and I’m bleeding, Gun, gore, shame, my soul’s feeding. Down and out, roll out of bed, I shout, Aaaah I can’t take it anymore. Love and hate, pity and death, I loathe the make of this sorrowful set, Pain and pain and pain some more, Help me, hit me, yank the hell outta me. I don’t care and I don’t live, I carry each day as a sympathy gift. I don’t need you, don’t need another whore, Screaming of death, i scream some more. Aaah hate, aaah death, Now or never, save me the fret. Breathing on me like a savage beast, Howling and scowling, smoking some heat. Ready to run, escape defeat. It’s churning my soul into mournful bits, I speak, I cry, I break and I lie, Each day in this score, My emotions dry. Tears don’t seem to find their way, They've lost their own, they’ve lost their say. I pray, bring forth ‘one’ new day, When I don’t think, just don’t think, I pray!

 

 -ME!

Avenged!

You shall stay with guilt till dawn, Every night dripping in shame, For all the pain that you caused me, Yourself, you shall always blame. Pain and guilt and sorrow, death, Screaming out of every breath, Piercing in, cursing your soul, Carving deep, making a hole. The shameful task that you had done, Depressing now, causing no fun, Luring in your pitiful brain, All of you now left in vain. Sadness binding the endless strife, Feeding on your sinful life, Giving you back what you deserve, Completing the end to the curve. You cry, what an ordeal has come? You run and run into the sun, No use, too late, I scream back, Putting myself back on track. I’ve suffered enough, Now it’s your turn, My end of struggle, Yours just begun!

-ME!

i hate everything.almost!

lots of interesting things don't happen to me.yet lots of them do,atleast that's what people say! getting into fights,quite frequently at that,is one thing that defines me for alot of people.THE FIGHTER,in all the wrong sense of the word,not the rani of jhansi kind!! shouting,abusing,losing temper,screaming,throwing things(rarely,but can't deny) often rule my game! well,i speak to say the least,i don't let wrong things just happen to me. this first week of college after sem-I was not such a hit. REASONS:

1.i HATE college.

2.i HATE my class.

3.i HATE the crowd there.

4. i got into two umm..fights!n alomost got into a third one.

one was with this new physics teacher and the other with this senior most batch,4th year people.

case-1:physics teacher.

i was sitting alone on the first seat,taking notes and listening to every bit of what was being taught.then she wrote this abstract symbol on the board and some girl asked me what it was.i turned and explained.turn meaning a slight 30 degree one not a 90 degree full turn.and as soon as i was done i saw her looking at me with a weird expression on her face.

(backdrop-everyone is talking,commotion due to that abstract symbol)

teacher-what are you doing?

me-nothing.

teacher-stand up.

me-(stood up)what did i do?she asked me something,i just replied.

teacher-leave my class.

me-I'm not leaving.

teacher-should i leave?

me-(i don't care-gesture)

teacher-what does your dad do?

me-engineer!!

teacher-that is why you are like this.

me-(seated)LIKE WHAT?

now what was my fault?

i realize misunderstandings happen but i don't fucking care if the other person is too strange and mentally ill to acknowledge that.i could have gone out when she asked me to,but she couldn't give me a valid reason.because she herself didn't have one.i HATE people with illogical,impractical pre-conceived notions!i mean,please!,gimme a break!

case-2:

those 4th year people were throwing stuff from the first floor at people passing by. i and this other friend of mine who got thrown at ran to there class,but unfortunately they were too SCARED to come up with it.i shouted,abused,ripped everyone apart and came back!

mess with me i mess back!;)

THE END.

i just don't like getting into such shit,but well we gotta speak up for ourselves you know!

EVERYONE SHOULD!!

peace!!

-me!